There are a lot of priorities out there. In fact, everyone wants to be your top priority (generally speaking). How do you sort out the conflicts? What should your priorities even be? And what order should they follow? In this post I will describe the 6 priorities that we believe are essential to a well-ordered life.
Overview
What really matters in life? We have to sort out that question before we can really get down to business deciding what and how to prioritize. And the answer to that all-important question is not necessarily easy to find. Some will say success, whether financial or physical. Others will say material possessions: the house of your dreams, top-of-the-line technology, and fashionable clothing. Some will say God or religion. Others will say family. The list goes on and on.
I am going to argue that, when you stop to think about it, there are only two categories: people and things. Between the two, it is fairly obvious that people matter more. What this means is that relationships, the unique and unrepeatable connections we share with persons, are the most important elements of our lives. Relationships should be prioritized over everything else.
Now, this is obviously a very broad category. There are lots of different relationships we can have. Sorting out the order of their importance is the main purpose of this post. I am going to divide all the different possible relationships into 6 priorities. Most of these priorities come from the book A Mother’s Rule of Life: How to Bring Order to Your Home and Peace to Your Soul (read our review of the book here!). There are, of course, priorities you can have among mere things or objects, but having your relational priorities in order is really what will make or break you as you walk through life. Let’s take a look at them!
The First Priority: God
The most important relationship you can ever have is with God Himself. No other relationship means anything unless you have a real relationship with God. Without Him, we are selfish, prideful, arrogant, greedy, envious, fearful, and mean. We cannot even have real relationships with others in such a state, because we treat others as objects rather than persons—just means to our own ends.
But if we can open up to God and let Him have a relationship with us (He is always ready and waiting to do so!), He will help us to become like Himself: selfless, humble, meek, generous, encouraging, joyful and kind. That’s when we are able to enter into other relationships.
Every relationship requires time and effort. If we want to become friends with God (that’s what I mean by having a relationship with Him, because He tells us we are meant to be His friends), we need to spend time with Him, regularly! That time cannot be an afterthought, the “leftovers” of our day: it needs to be the most important, consistent, and unchangeable part of our daily routine.
I recommend setting aside the first half-hour or so of your day for personal prayer with God. If morning does not work for some reason, then pick a time that does, but stay consistent with it. This is just a start: you can find other ways to deepen your relationship with God throughout the day as well. The more you can dive deep into this friendship, the better you will be able to attend to the other priorities in your life.
The Second Priority: Self
This is a little tricky, because self-love can be either really beautiful or really disgusting depending on your understanding of the term. I am not talking about glorying in one’s own faults, refusing to change or take criticism, or using “don’t judge me” language. True self-love recognizes and accepts the fact that God has created you, and He has created you good. Yes, we fail. Yes, we make bad choices. But who we are as God’s creation, called from all eternity to be His own beloved child, is wonderfully good! The key is that we have to choose to be true to who we are—not in the modern sappy sense of doing whatever we feel like doing, but in the real sense of understanding what God calls us to be and striving to live up to that call.
Nothing about who we are is accidental. God has given us specific gifts, experiences, desires, and circumstances. All of these are meant to serve a purpose. We must take what He has given us and do our best to use it well, to praise Him and to serve others.
You can’t give what you don’t have. We also must remember that we are human beings, with needs and limitations. Loving ourselves well includes taking care of ourselves, whether that be taking a bath or going for a walk. If we treat ourselves with the dignity that God has given us, then we will be able to do the same to others.
The Third Priority: Spouse
Your spouse is “another self,” so go back to Priority 2 if you didn’t get that part figured out yet! Your spouse needs you to be a whole, confident, and self-motivated person. If you cannot function without the presence of your beloved, there is a problem. It is only after your self is cared for that you can care for your spouse. But after God and yourself, no one else is as important as your spouse. He or she deserves your time and attention!
A monthly date is a fantastic way to keep this priority alive and well. The benefits of going somewhere and spending intentional time together, one on one, cannot be overstated. Especially when there is lots of conversation!
The Fourth Priority: Children
After your spouse comes your kids. By this I don’t mean taking care of their daily physical needs so much as their personal needs. That is, their need for you. Children need real, intentional time with each of their parents, just like spouses need real, intentional time with each other. Put down the phone, get on the floor, and play with your kids. Get on your knees and pray with your kids. Put on your apron and cook with your kids. The time is always well spent!
Ladies beware: This priority tends to creep to the top of the list for women! Mothers often place the well-being of their children over everything else: their own health, their prayer life, and even their spouse. Children are an important priority, but they are fourth on the list of 6 priorities that we’re talking about. So be careful!
The Fifth Priority: Work
While work is not a person, here we are talking about the part of our relationships with our spouse and children that is materially-focused. In other words, this priority is not about spending time together: it is about providing for the family’s needs. This, of course, looks different for everybody, but the key thing to note is that work takes fifth place.
Think about that for a minute. The material needs of our families are not as important as the personal needs: the need for friendship, the need for compassion, the need for love. We should be more willing to set aside our work when necessary to attend to those we love. After all, the Lord tells us:
Do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they?
Matthew 6:25-26
Men beware: Out of the 6 priorities, this one is our pitfall! We tend to attach greater importance to our work than to any other priority. It is easy to lose sight of the deeper needs of the people around us in the face of the crushing weight of trying make a living. But we must remember that it is the Lord who provides for us. He will always see to it that we have sufficient means, as long as we trust in Him and put each priority in its proper place.
The Sixth Priority: Community
After the needs of the family come the needs of the greater community: this is the last of the 6 priorities. We are all called to give of ourselves for others. We do this first within the family, but we must reach beyond that to other people around us.
Friendships are a significant part of this priority. While family must come first, there is still a great importance to having deep, faithful friendships in your life. These relationships, like all the others, will require time and effort. But whatever time and effort we have left, we should spend on these!
Conclusion
There you have it: 6 priorities essential to a well-ordered life. Now that you know what they are and what order they follow, I challenge you to put these priorities into practice in your own life. Write them down. Figure out what you can do to put them into the proper order. Set specific goals and take concrete steps to achieve them. If you’re having trouble knowing how to move forward, sign up for our free ebook below. Then watch and see the peace that a well-ordered life brings!
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