This post is something of an active meditation. I am writing about taking time to slow down in life because it is something that I have been wrestling with for a while now. We have stated elsewhere that we seek to walk with our readers as companions on the journey of life. I offer these thoughts in that spirit: I am pondering these things and I invite you to ponder them with me. Please do share your thoughts in the comments below!
I have felt ever since we created this website that I did not want it to be a picture-perfect (and false!) representation of our family. We want to be real with you, which means we have to be honest about ourselves. We have just as many faults and failures as the next person. Admitting that is a vulnerable step to take. But if we are going to discuss with you, our readers, the things that matter most, we have to be willing to address the problems at hand. Here we go!
The Frantic Battle
Our family is sailing through some choppy waters at the moment. I do not say rough seas—nowhere near that bad—but we’re not exactly gliding effortlessly along with clear skies and pleasant breezes, either. The main difficulty seems to be that we are plain and simply overwhelmed by the sheer number of things demanding our attention.
Financial concerns? Check. Too many commitments? Check. Half-finished house renovations? Check. Piles of dirty dishes? Check. Screaming children? Check. Puking flu? Check.
As more and more items get added to the agenda and all too few get crossed off it, our stress level has continued to build until we are barely operating on a functional level. It’s been getting to that point where there is so much to do, no matter where you turn, that you can’t even put enough of a coherent thought process together to decide what to work on first.
It is at a moment like this that we ask ourselves: What went wrong? How can we possibly deal with all of this?
Considering the Problem
Of course, there are many factors at work here. No one thing has caused us to get this disorganized, stressed, or frustrated. But I am starting to notice that one of the biggest issues we are having is that we always feel like we are dashing around trying to put out fire after fire with little to no sense of control over the situation. We are caught in a vicious cycle of reactions.
Reactivity
Joseph throws a fit because he wants to go outside but it’s raining. We react with discipline. Our latest blog post isn’t ready to post. We react by staying up late to finish it. Didn’t get enough sleep last night. We react by sleeping in. There are no clean clothes left to wear. We react by doing (some) laundry. (Whatever happened to that laundry schedule we came up with? Oh yeah: see Step #6.)
Now, I’m not saying that reactions are always bad. But I do think that a reactive lifestyle, where one is constantly jerked around by the pressures of the moment, is a problem. In fact, I know it’s a problem. We’ve lived it, and it doesn’t get us anywhere.
How did we get caught up in this pattern in the first place, though? It’s not like we intentionally chose to start living reactively. Upon reflection, I think it’s true to say that we have been living reactively because we have been told and have believed the lie that we have to live reactively. Look at the world around you. Many, perhaps most people live this way, to one degree or another. If everyone’s doing it, it must be the way to go, right? Such is the lie.
Urgency
But why is everyone doing this? Think about what a reaction is, commonly understood. It’s an immediate response to an external stimulus. Usually, it’s immediate because the situation is perceived as urgent or even dangerous (even if it really isn’t).
Now think of our day-to-day experience. Aren’t most things perceived as urgent, requiring an immediate response? No matter that we cannot possibly respond to all of them immediately—this is not a logical issue. The longer the calls to action remain unanswered, the more heightened the urgency becomes. It doesn’t take long for a typical busy day to become a frantic rat-race with this approach.
Slavery
The problem is that we are dealing with an excess of urgency fueled by living in slavery to external stimuli. That’s right: slavery. If you and I are running in circles of reactivity, it amounts to acting as the slave of the things to which we react. I don’t like the sound of that. It’s time to break free.
Considering the Solution
A big part of what’s going on here is that we are not allowing ourselves the space or time to think things through. As soon as something happens, we must act—or react, rather. But what if we handle this differently?
Mastery
We are told in Scripture: “everything belongs to you,” because “you [belong] to Christ” (1 Cor. 3:21, 23). In Him, we are no longer slaves to the world, but masters of it. He calls us to exercise mastery over ourselves and not to let the world, the flesh, or the devil take that away from us.
The bad news is, it seems like we’ve done a pretty good job giving that mastery away on a silver platter. The good news is, we can always reclaim it by God’s grace.
Taking Time to Slow Down
I think there is one very simple thing we can do that would make a huge difference in our efforts to regain mastery. That is taking time to slow down.
If something happens that demands an immediate response, resist the urge to react. Even if it’s a phone call. Stop long enough to consider, not what is expected of you by external pressures, but what actually needs to happen.
There are many things we just don’t need to respond to at all, let alone in a leisurely fashion. If someone shouts at me, I needn’t shout back. My cluttered email inbox annoys me, but I don’t need to clean it out right now. Others expect me to come to this or that event, but I do not need to fulfill their expectations. Taking time to slow down and sort some of these things out will free up space in our day; then we can take the next step towards self-mastery: proactivity.
Proactivity
Once we come to determine what can be set aside, then we can choose what things we will do, as well as how and when we will do them. This is the goal I am pursuing right now. I want to stop tallying the ever-growing number of “things I have to do” and rationally decide the “things I choose to do.” It’s not that I have to do the laundry all at once: I can choose to do one or two loads each day until I catch up. I don’t have to keep my wife happy to be happy myself: I can choose to be happy regardless of her mood (but that’s a topic for another time).
Final Thoughts
In the end, I would say that taking time to slow down is a big part of restoring order in one’s life. I haven’t even touched upon all the important points that could be made here. But it certainly helps to reverse our backwards approach to things. It allows us to use the gifts of reason and free will that God has given us, so that we can choose how to act rather than impulsively react. And the more we choose in self-mastery, the more we live in the freedom of love!
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